


the saving grace (was the feeling that it was a heart that he was stealing)

by cosmicpoet



Series: goro week 2019 [1]
Category: Persona 5
Genre: Aquariums, First Dates, Fluff, Light Angst, M/M
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2019-09-24
Updated: 2019-09-24
Packaged: 2020-10-27 12:26:28
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 3,464
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/20760338
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/cosmicpoet/pseuds/cosmicpoet
Summary: Ren invites Goro to the aquarium.





	the saving grace (was the feeling that it was a heart that he was stealing)

_“I feel like our discussions would prove quite fruitful. Would you mind talking with me again?”_

It’s been a week since his last television appearance, and Goro turns against the milk-light of the moon that seeps slowly in through his window, running those loose words over in his head; almost tying up some threads of coherency before it all slips through his hands once more. Yet another sleepless night, permeated by regret, guilt, anxiety, all so familiar in this long stretch of a life. Why had he said that? Somewhere, hidden underneath the mask of formality, as he’d exchanged phone numbers and chat IDs with Ren, there was the underlying scar of rejection; a wound reopened so many times will harden and toughen, so why can he not sleep without putting himself on the line again?

His window is open, and only half of the reason why is because the nights are getting hotter. The other half, the inexplicably self-hating, so intricately _Goro _half, is because he’s just daring someone to break in; a silent plea of _“stop me, let me die maintaining this lie, I’ll ultimately fail but I’ll be recognised, wanted…”. _It’s not a train of thought that he entertains for much longer, sitting up in the bed and staring into the cool blue-black haze of night, leaning into the darkness like it’ll explain something, something, or something else, until he’s reaching his hand out to feel the breeze on his skin without anything to protect him from the world or some kind of coffin.

Somewhere in the distance, there’s the sad call of some kind of owl - solitary, completely alone, begging to the night to engulf it in the swell of isolation; either that, or it’s just looking for food. Goro can’t determine his own emotions, let alone those that pinprick the night’s soundtrack. The air is soft, and he wishes it would bite, but all he can do is sigh and pull out his phone.

Insomnia aside, there’ll be no sleep tonight if he doesn’t make the first move across the board.

**Goro Akechi <00:12> **Hello, Ren. I was thinking that you’d humour me by taking up my offer of talking again. Are you free tomorrow?

**Ren Amamiya <00:14> **sure thing, fancy going to the aquarium?

**Goro Akechi <00:15> **The aquarium? 

**Ren Amamiya <00:16> **yeah yeah, one’s just opened, i’ll meet you at the station at midday and we can walk there?

**Goro Akechi <00:16> **It’s a plan.

**Ren Amamiya <00:16> **it’s a date then ;)

**Ren Amamiya <00:16> ***:)

Goro bites his lip. And still, sleep doesn’t come.

_Damn it. _But at least there’s something else on his mind, milky swirls in coffee, understanding eyes, the feeling of flying mid-fall; it’s… different to his usual, intrusive thoughts. There’s red here, but it isn’t blood.

Is that enough?

His own sleeplessness pulls the puppet-strings as morning’s rolling hills shake him into action. On autopilot, he showers, brushes his teeth, spends a while - perhaps too long, the ache of trying to _impress _spurring him onwards - drying and styling his hair. It’s only when he’s midway through applying concealer that he notices just how bad his dark circles truly are - bad enough, at least, that they’re still visible through a moderate layer of makeup. He chastises himself for this, knowing that if he’s spotted outside looking tired, people might overthink, and in overthinking, rumours will spread - _“Doesn’t Goro Akechi look tired?” ; “Perhaps his work is getting on top of him?” ; “Is he not fit for the job after all?”_

Such is his life on the tightrope.

Still, he makes his way to the train station, getting there fifteen minutes early. Being prepared is in his nature, and it calms him a little to have spare time before meeting Ren - or, at least, it _would _if he hadn’t seen Ren so casually waving to him from across the room, crossing the distance between them like it’s nothing at all.

“Hey,” he says.

“Hello,” Goro replies, suddenly nervous. The room, in that instant, feels overwhelmingly hot, and once more he feels so _pathetic _and _stupid _for wearing a goddamn sweater-vest in the height of summer.

“You look tired.”

“Ah, do I? I apologise, I’m sure you can imagine how hectic life is between interviews and keeping on top of my studies, as well as cracking down on the Phantom Thieves case. I believe I’m making good headway, though, and I’m sure I’ll benefit from talking with you once more.”

“Here,” Ren reaches into his bag and pulls out a travel mug, “fresh from Leblanc.”

“Thank you,” Goro says, talking the coffee. It’s a little more bitter than he personally takes his coffee, but he’s not looking for exquisite taste as much as he’s just craving the necessity of caffeine, because he isn’t particularly fond of the idea of falling asleep on the train back to his apartment, or even worse - on Ren’s shoulder.

Entertaining _that _train of thought blooms some sort of purple hyacinth in his chest, something that threatens to take over his lungs entirely in some cliché tragedy, until he sharply inhales his way back to reality the moment Ren’s fingers brush over his own, taking back the mug and drinking it in gulps.

There’s a certain intimacy, Goro thinks _(or hopes) _in drinking from the same mug, but then he remembers how betrayal requires kissing, and how this is the first step towards that, and how he will end up there, one day. How will it be? Will there be the sickening coolness of a gun in his hand, or will it be the white-hot passion of a battle in which he can pretend to play the saviour, as long as the outcome is the same? 

“Hey,” Ren says, and Goro blinks himself out of his cognition, “stop stressing.”

“What?”

“You do this thing where you zone out when you’re thinking really hard.”

“You can tell as much about my character having only met me twice? I suppose you must be very… observant.”

“So I’m told.”

“Well, in that case, please don’t overthink. I tend to get carried away with my thoughts a lot of the time, but it isn’t for any reason in particular; I just always have five things on the go at once, so it’s a little hard to shut my brain off.” _That, and the overwhelming guilt of being alive._

“Let’s go,” Ren says, holding out his hand. Ah, so this is the kind of person he is? Very… tactile. Casually cheeky, witty, able to hold his own in a conversation without resorting to underhanded tactics. But there’s still something else there, something underneath the mask, a guarded fear that Goro can only recognise after all the times he’s seen his own reflection in the dark of night. What could have happened to him to make him such an enigma of duality?

“May I ask why you’re here in Tokyo?” Goro says.

“You really don’t know?”

“Well… I’ll admit, I did a little research after I met you at the broadcasting station. However, there’s nothing too comprehensive in any police reports, and you don’t seem like the type of person to do… that. I apologise, it is a little forward of me to ask. I suppose I just wanted all the facts… it’s in my nature, after all.”

“I don’t mind. I’d rather you had the full story.”

Ren seems tense - it doesn’t show on his face, but Goro feels the way he slightly, unconsciously, tightens his grip. It’s familiar to him, at least, the way one bad memory can sweep through a person’s body like grey static, freezing them in remembrance of things they’d rather forget, like the way shadows would beg for their lives after he… _stop. You’re just at an aquarium, with a friend. Now isn’t the time for that._

“You don’t have to tell me,” Goro says, as they both pay for their tickets and walk inside, “I understand that some things don’t get easier just by talking about them.”

“And with one swift statement, you’ve just insulted every therapist on the planet.”

“Oh, no, I didn’t mean to negate the importance of… I mean, I’ve… I just thought I could… somehow relate?”

“Relax. I was kidding. I don’t mind talking about it to you.”

“Just to me?”

“Well, to my friends.”

“You consider me a friend?”

“I wouldn’t go to the aquarium with a stranger, would I?”

“Well… yes, there is that. _Friends. _I quite like the idea. Anyway, I’ve gone off on far too many tangents. I want to hear your story.”

“Ah, yeah, that,” Ren says, his lips in a tight smile as if to convince Goro that he’s fine. It doesn’t work, but he talks anyway. “Well, I didn’t hit that guy, I mean, not like he said I did. I was just walking home and there was this man and he looked like he was about to hurt this woman, so I just… you know, pulled him away. But he was drunk, and he slipped, and then he started threatening me, and then the cops were there, and I think money was exchanged, and now here I am. On probation whilst everyone looks at me like I’m some kind of serial killer.”

“I’m sorry.”

“Don’t be. It is what it is.”

“Still, it’s hard to think that a system that claims to uphold justice would fail people so consistently.”

“That’s why I like the Phantom Thieves,” Ren flashes a smirk at Goro, all trace of him baring his soul gone from his face. There’s something akin to jealousy snaking its way round Goro’s heart, the way he can just laugh his problems away, how he has friends and hope for himself. Either that, or he’s just as much of a liar as Goro himself.

But he just can’t picture Ren in a mask.

“Ah, I see you waste no time getting me to talk,” Goro says, “but I’m afraid I won’t be able to spill any classified investigation secrets.”

“Oh, I don’t want that. If I was that desperate to know, I could just hack into the system myself.”

“Are you openly admitting to cybercrime?”

“Are you going to arrest me… _officer?”_

“Ren.”

“Nah, I’m kidding. I don’t even own a laptop, let alone one professional enough to break into police databases. What I meant is that I don’t care about the case itself, I just want to hear your opinions.”

“On the Phantom Thieves?”

“On everything.”

“Well,” Goro says, “I can’t deny that I’m not so black-and-white in my thinking to be opposed to having my own mind changed-”

“Or your heart,” Ren winks.

“Well, I don’t know about that. I’m not worried about becoming a target, even though I vocally opposed them on television.”

“And why’s that?”

“I can understand their justice, even if it doesn’t necessarily align with my own. From what I’ve seen so far, and my own deductions, I can at least assume that they don’t go around changing the hearts of anyone who disagrees with them - I believe it’s more of a vigilante justice type deal. I’d hope I’m not a bad enough person to warrant my own calling card, haha,” he trails off, fearful of divulging too much not only about how he views himself, but also of who he truly is.

Ren ducks behind the wall, emerging on the other side of the glass fish tank. He looks like he’s having fun, listening to what Goro has to say and adding in his own - arguably devil’s advocate - comments every now and then. For a moment, Goro allows himself to simply smile in the moment, watching Ren through the blue water, his eyes darting around as the fish swim across the whole scene.

There’s something quite intimate about this, but the irony isn’t lost on him that they’re both viewing each other through distorted water, and he wonders if he’ll ever let anyone break through the walls he’s crafted around himself.

“So, Goro,” Ren says, “can I call you Goro?”

“You can, yes.”

“What else do you do for fun?”

“I don’t have much time for activities beyond work and school. This is a nice change of pace.”

“There has to be something.”

“Well… I enjoy biking. It’s beneficial to get fresh air and exercise instead of staying cooped up in an office all day. Besides that, I suppose when I get time - not as often as I’d like, though - I go bouldering. I’m quite proficient at baseball, too.”

“Oh, are you on a team?”

“Ah, no. Most of my activities are solitary. Not that I mind it that way.”

“I’ll take you to the batting cages, next time, then.”

“Are you good at it, too?”

_“Good _is a bit of an overstatement. I can hit the ball over half the time.”

“Perhaps practice would be beneficial to you, too.”

“Maybe so.”

An announcement over the intercom tells the guests that they only have half an hour before the aquarium closes. Ren shrugs his shoulders, motioning his head towards the door in a silent gesture of _‘should we go?’_

Goro follows him. As they walk, silently, he makes it a game to layer his footfall in time with Ren’s, until he almost bumps into a lamppost outside the aquarium and Ren giggles.

God, he _giggles._

“Have you eaten today?”

“No,” Goro answers, with all the honesty of impulse that he never expected to hear from his own mouth.

“Come back to Leblanc.”

“I don’t want to intrude.”

“I’m _inviting _you.”

“Oh. Well, thank you. Lead the way.”

Ren reaches his hand out again, and Goro wonders how it would feel if he didn’t have his gloves on, but that would be far too intimate. He’ll settle for this.

It’s nice.

The weather has been warm all day, but it seems that Goro’s luck had to run out sometime, and a surprise sunshower pours down on him with all the violence that he’d normally associate with anybody but Ren. Ren, who now is laughing despite his glasses being inevitably impossible to see through with the flecks of rain that splatter across them, who is holding his hand and_ running _through the street like he hasn’t got a care in the world. 

Perhaps he is wearing a mask, after all. 

Goro doesn’t have to struggle to keep up - he’s quite fit, after all - but he _is _unused to the freedom of running through puddles until the station comes into view, and then he knows that it’s only a matter of time until they’re in the warm hearth of Leblanc. It’s at this moment that he realises he doesn’t particularly want to go back to his apartment alone.

They’re near the café when a car speeds past them, veering a little too close to the kerb as it plumes through a puddle - Goro, on the side closest to the road, bears the brunt of the oncoming splash.

And by god, he is soaked.

Ren stands there, staring for a moment, before he stifles a laugh. If he were anyone else, Goro would laugh, too, but he’s so focused on his image that he can only cringe at the mental picture of how he must look - soaked head to toe, his clothes wet and clinging to him, his hair straggly and dripping cold water onto his shoulders.

“Okay, okay,” Ren says, “you look like you’re about to murder me. I’ll stop laughing.”

“How bad does it look? Really?”

“Pretty cute, to be honest.”

“Be _serious!”_

“I am wild,” Ren says with a cheeky smile, pulling Goro down the final stretch of road towards the backstreets, and then into Leblanc.

“What happened to you?” Sojiro says.

“Things got a bit freaky in the aquarium. Goro fell in,” Ren replies.

“I did _not!”_

“Whatever, I doubt we’ll be getting any more customers. Make sure you lock the shop up tonight.”

Sojiro leaves the café, giving Goro the opportunity to breathe a sigh of relief and look around. Sae has mentioned this place to him many times, but he’s never had the opportunity to visit until now, and it’s hardly under ideal circumstances that he finds himself dripping water all over the floor as he follows Ren upstairs.

“You live here?” Goro asks.

“Yeah.”

“It’s… nice. Homely.”

“I like it,” Ren says, pulling a towel off the shelf and sitting on the edge of his bed, “c’mon, sit down. There’s no use teasing you when you look like that.”

For some reason, all the rationality in Goro’s mind leaves him, and he _complies, _sitting cross legged on the floor in front of Ren. Instantly, there’s a warmth that surrounds him as Ren towel dries his hair and brushes it out, softly humming something to himself in the process.

Once he’s done, Goro realises just how touch starved he truly is. 

Ren crosses the room and pulls a pair of sweatpants and a t-shirt out of a box on the floor, throwing them Goro’s way.

“I’ll leave while you get changed,” he says, before adding, “unless you’d rather I stay,” with a wink.

“Get out,” Goro smiles in return. Playfully, Ren raises his eyebrows and turns his back, walking down the stairs.

He cautiously pulls his shirt off and uses the discarded towel to dry himself a little before getting changed. There’s no mirror in this room, so he has to deal with the mental image of how awful he must look; no doubt the water has washed his makeup off, and soon enough he’ll be standing in front of Ren in the most honest display of the_ self _that he’s been able to muster in years.

What will he think?

The smell of fresh curry traces its way up the stairs, and Goro makes his way down to see that Ren has laid out two plates, and is in the process of making coffee for them both, too. He sits down on the other side of the counter, watching Ren work, and for a moment, he can forget that he’s not allowed the luxury of such a simple life.

“Enjoy,” Ren says, walking round the counter and sitting next to him. The television in the corner of the room is playing softly, running a broadcast of the news, as the rain outside gets heavier, punctuated by thunder in the distance - a storm, not exactly uncommon for summer, but not something he’s looking forward to facing on his way home.

As if the universe could read his mind, the newsreader begins an emergency weather broadcast, listing off all of the trains that will be cancelled until the storm clears.

Ah, shit. He’ll have to walk home.

His anxiety must be showing on his face, because Ren puts his fork down and looks between the television and Goro.

“Is that your train?” Ren asks.

“Yes, but it’s no bother. I’m sure I’ll be able to find a taxi, or walk.”

“I doubt it.”

“Why?”

“Taxis don’t often come this way, and you can’t walk in the middle of a storm.”

“I’ll have to.”

“Nah, just stay.”

“What, here?”

“Yeah,” Ren says, “you can take my bed and I’ll sleep on the sofa.”

“I can’t intrude any more than I already have. Don’t worry about me, I’ve made my way home in worse situations.”

“You’re not intruding. Besides, I’d feel awful making you walk home in this weather.”

“I suppose you’re making the choice_ for _me, then,” Goro says.

“I suppose I am. It’s a comfy bed.”

“I’m sure it is.”

“And you can meet Morgana. He’s my cat. He’s out now - god knows where, but he likes wandering about at night.”

“You keep a cat in the café?”

“Oh, he’s very well behaved. As long as I get him fatty tuna sometimes.”

“That sounds nice. Not the fatty tuna, I mean having a pet.”

“Do you not?”

“I don’t have enough time to dedicate to proper care of an animal. In an ideal world, though, I’d get a dog.”

“Ah, so you’re a dog person?”

“I can’t say. I’ve never had one.”

“Then, when your case with the Phantom Thieves is over, I’ll take you to the rescue centre and we’ll pick one out for you.”

“You’re idealistic.”

“Maybe I am,” Ren says.

Goro doesn’t have the heart, in bed that night, to understand how he’ll break it to Ren that he doesn’t think he’ll be alive long enough to commit to looking after a dog. That’s just a pipe dream. But, hearing Ren’s snoring - which is light, not disruptive at all, but soft enough to make Goro’s heart skip a beat - he wonders what it would have been like if they’d only met earlier.

**Author's Note:**

> I am so pumped that Goro Week is a thing! And that we can take him to an aquarium in P5R... I'm just thinking of that one scene in the 1996 Romeo and Juliet film.
> 
> (If you get the reference to one of my favourite books - Les Misérables - in this, hell yeah)
> 
> Title from 'Only Ones Who Know' by Arctic Monkeys.


End file.
